Too much second-guessing

I can't believe that until now, I'm still reassessing the decision that I've made regarding my university education, even though there's still an opportunity to reverse the tide. For starters, I'm sorry if I was a jerk to anyone the past few days with all my ramblings about whether I made the right choice when it comes to what I'm going to study in the near future, and I'm even more sorry if I happened to have shaken anyone, or compelled them to review decisions which they would very much love set in stone and far removed from even the slightest hint of a doubt. Nonetheless, in spite of my fickle nature, I'm still sure that my interests lie in the fields of design and journalism, and I'd definitely want to pave my prospective career path in those directions. However, the hitch is that right now, I'm pretty much swinging back and forth these two areas like a pendulum bob, and I've considered making a radical change by applying to WKWSCI or even architecture school from the current FASS. I've thought about the possibility of customising my degree by taking up double majors though, so that's one factor that's keeping me grounded in my current decision. And I know this sounds terribly shallow, but the wide variety of exchange programmes and overseas internships are another factor. And although I've been racking my brains over this dilemma lately, the truth is that I can't do much about it just yet.

It's really times like these when I wish I could just fast-forward in time already. Yesterday while I was doing guard duty, I looked up internship offers in journalism and chanced upon this interview with an ex-intern at The Straits Times News Desk, and it only served to remind me of how much I too wanted an experience that'd equip me to probe deeper within myself. From where I am right now, the idea of interning as a journalist both excites and scares me in equal measure, primarily because more than a year after leaving JC, I've yet to estimate my abilities in an objective way once again. It seems like there's a fifty-fifty chance of it working out – likewise for the converse – and I realised that this is a question I want answered... now, actually. I guess these two years in NS are good in the way it seems to seal me up in bubble wrap, safely insulated from society, but I'm currently finding myself raring to go once more. One thing's for sure, though – I have to plan well now, so that I'll eventually hop on that utterly dizzying post-ORD ride and feel my head and my heart swell with way too many things at a time. For this particular transition in the near future, I doubt there'd be much balance involved... and that might not necessarily be a bad thing. What's most important is that by then, I would've gained a greater awareness of what I really want for the next stage in my education.