The week leading to CNY

On Tuesday my battalion organized an exhibition for a group of NUS High School students, so after returning to camp, the (very) few of us were tasked to help set up and arrange a maze room out of our company's lecture room. We used camouflage netting for the ceiling and ground sheets for the windows to block as much light from streaming into the room as possible, and also to make the place seem more ~claustrophobic~, lol. This was part of a plan to share with the students an idea of what the recce teams do in the army and what sort of equipments they use, and in this case, the students were supposed to maneuver the maze while looking through a pair of night vision binoculars. Though it's not exactly an accurate simulation, I guess it was still a pretty good idea.

While the few of us were at it, the others were involved in the CNY decorations, and although a lot of effort was put into getting them ready, I have to admit that the end-product was a flop because of the way it was executed. By themselves the artworks are pretty good, but the way it was hung out for show - the pieces were wrapped in plastic and tied to the railings of each floor in the building in a really haphazard arrangement - was honestly really bad. It just felt like such a waste, though fortunately we also had slightly more to show, such as a rather large horse figurine made from tables, planks and papier-mâché, and two motorcycles disguised as horses with the use of painted cardboard. I guess the execution turned out to be rather underwhelming for those as well, but really, you can't expect us NSFs to celebrate CNY in our units with the same level of enthusiasm as when we're celebrating outside. And now, even after I've already booked out for the week, I'm still not really feeling the CNY mood.

Shared that photo of what we did for the exhibition with a couple of friends, and their immediate reaction was to laugh hysterically in mock disbelief, LOL. I honestly expected that but I didn't feel the urge to laugh along, because the truth is, when you've been through the process and seen your friends put in genuine effort, you wouldn't be so detachedly dismissing it, no matter how... poorly the end result turns out. Regardless, the exhibition turned out to be quite a success anyway - could see most of the students at least marginally enjoying themselves - and the MOST important thing? All of us got an off day for helping out.

Yesterday was supposed to be a day spent entirely at home, but I decided that it was a waste since it was so sunny outside and all. So I did some research and decided to go on a cycling trip turned photography session... because I didn't get to rent any bike in the end. It turned out that the rather pathetic excuse for a bike rental kiosk beside Punggol Jetty (it was just an inconspicuous, temporary tentage) is closed from Mondays to Wednesdays, and that kinda means I overestimated the number of visitors at the park as well. But it was fine, as the peace and quiet made solitude all the more enjoyable. I wound up conducting a quick ~recce~ around the area, taking a couple of pictures along the way while enjoying the sea breeze and the sunset. The freedom of exploring places less travelled with no agenda in mind will always appeal to me, and even more so after a month that was mostly spent cooped up in camp. To top it all off, Punggol is really a gem of a neighbourhood. I especially like how its green features are not completely natural, with many of them being an amalgamation of the organic and the man-made, as it adds a modern twist to a town that's still reminiscent of its earlier rustic days. This particular environment strikes me as something similar to that along the Han River bank in Seoul, or in the man-made pockets of greenery within the city.

In other news, I've just returned home from reunion dinner over at my paternal cousins' place. Tomorrow's Day 1 of CNY and I predict that it'll be nothing out of the ordinary, just like all the other years. There's so many expectations during this period with regards to the quality of family ties and activities, etc., what with social media throwing around its definitions of fun and bonding that only seem to get bigger with each post and each tweet. But this doesn't change the fact that we have what we have, and if 'ordinary' is all I'm gonna have, I don't really mind, actually. :)

Breaking the mundane streak

Last week saw big changes as two of my bunkmates left the platoon for good. It was also bike-riding week, in an effort to clock enough mileage (1000km to be exact) so that we can ride bikes during Ex Wallaby towards the end of this year. I was just the slightest bit apprehensive at first as I haven't rode for nearly 2 months, yet I was assigned as a priority rider (since it has been confirmed that I'm in a bike team for recce operations). The first few sessions went pretty smoothly, though it took a couple of mistakes to make me realise that I should really stop giving in to daydreaming so much. However, things took a turn for the worse on Thursday, when the bike I was using kinda ran out of fuel and broke down in the middle of the road. It probably happened because the bike was in use throughout all three details, and because the first rider didn't check the fuel tank properly even though it was his responsibility. :/ Although I could get it to start, the engine stalled once I engaged the throttle, so I had to push it to the road shoulder and wait for towing services to pick up the bike. It was a good arrangement for the bike convoy to be sandwiched between two rovers while on the public roads, because I didn't have to wait for someone to pick me up once my bike was towed away. Nevertheless this whole fiasco has proved to be an administrative nightmare, and right now I'm not even certain if the matter's been explained clearly to the higher-ups yet.

I finally went for my first nights out in two weeks last Wednesday, and although it was rather idyllic as usual, it kinda shocked me just how much I could spend on food alone in one night. We went to the MOF at Lot 1 for our second dinner for the day, so that burned quite a huge hole in my pocket. I really need to buck up when it comes to financial discipline, what with a savings cum insurance policy which my mom coaxed me into signing up for (and personally because I thought I wouldn't be spending so much for this year... apparently I wasn't headed for a good start) and a whole arsenal of post-ORD plans which I badly want to realise and afford. To make matters worse, I spend liberally during the weekends, and last weekend was no exception, as the cell group went to Suki-ya after church for Mark's farewell dinner. And although it was so good (shabu-shabu buffet with free flow of meat - very few pleasures in life surpass that), it was so wrong for my bank account balance, haha. Man, I really need to save up before I regret it. I'm already financially dependent on my parents for enough aspects in my life.

This week's gonna be a really short one, and so far Monday's been OK with a couple of preparations for an exhibition tomorrow, after which we would (hopefully) book out in the afternoon. Then it'll be Chinese New Year, a.k.a. a period of immersion in festivities and blatant ignorance towards the dread of going back to camp (and therefore the first outfield exercise for the year). And as with every CNY, a good spring cleaning - be it physical or mental - is important. So bad vibes, stay away from me as far as possible.

Brokeback Mountain

While on MC at home yesterday, I decided to download Brokeback Mountain and Never Let Me Go (just because I wanted to watch it again) for a cozy little movie marathon. I've put off watching the former for too long - 6 years maybe, from back when I was in Sec 2. At the time it was released, the plot and its devices came across as foreign even in Hollywood's terms, and I believe it was barely even cleared for screening in the theaters here. All I could remember about the film then was the way my dad talked about it while we were watching the 78th Oscars. Basically he seemed apprehensive yet fascinated in the face of a film which explored risky yet uncharted (more or less) territory - a reaction which stuck with me, even as I forgot about this ~unspoken taboo~ of a film until now. Of course, thinking about it now, so much has changed such that it really isn't much of a big deal anymore. And contrary to popular (and ignorant) belief, Brokeback Mountain's by no means a 'gay cowboy movie'.

Getting to the point, yes, I watched it yesterday, and in response, I pretty much have just one word: heartbreaking. Or devastating. Your pick. And as much as I don't really trust my take on this - after all, I haven't amassed enough timeless romantic classics (yes, I HAVEN'T watched Titanic) in my history of film-going, it really is an excellent love story. What really stuck with me was this scene where Ennis learns that he can never truly be happy in life - it was a flashback to his childhood, when his dad took him to see a gay man who was beaten to death. It was really then when Ennis was taught to hate his own feelings - this haunted him into becoming the heavily guarded man he was later in life. And at the end of it all, after a loveless marriage, after raising two daughters whom he only grew more estranged from over the years, and even after his life has been compressed into a mobile home of numbing misery, he simply accepted that he was right where he was supposed to be. Because he simply couldn't express freely the only great love he ever felt, it ended up destroying and consuming him from within.

The film also portrays, loudly and clearly through the gasping silences and the many terrible expressions of grief, the power of repression. It doesn't only eat at Ennis and Jack - it affects all those around them as well, and this makes the wives the victims, too. Michelle Williams was extraordinary as Alma in the film - she so convincingly brought out the pain from realizing that she never even had a place in Ennis' heart at all. This pain of hers culminated in a desperate fit of screams, tears and shaking, which, in the end, came out empty and useless still. With that, the pang of regret was made all the more unbearable and intolerable. On the other hand, Anne Hathaway handled Lureen pretty well too, showing clearly the transformation of a lively young rodeo girl into a stiff shell of who she once was.

What really impacted me most was the deep love between Ennis and Jack, which really exceeded expectations in forming the backbone of the film. Personally, I've yet to understand love and passion so strong it could tear people apart if not let loose, but it's fine - it'd be pretty darn scary if I did. For all I know, it'd even be unrealistic in the real world. But the film really explained why it's so important for love to run wild and free in all its abundance, and to simply let love... be.

In other news, this film made me miss Heath Ledger quite badly. He really was a brilliant actor.