A reminder to live

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

So many disjointed thoughts to put into organised, flowing paragraphs of words lately, but one thing's for sure: this week saw a strangely fulfilling kind of happiness.

It's no surprise that I would very much rather be busy like many of my other friends right now, many of whom are either in university or slogging away for their holiday jobs following their graduation from poly. I'm the kind of person who prefers to keep myself occupied, especially since the daily grind of my life in the army has long gotten to me, and I long to embark on a productive and meaningful journey once again. Seeing how many of them are either learning brand new lessons and picking up valuable skills in exchange for hard-earned money in the workplace, chasing their passions in their chosen field of study and taking risks by trying something new despite not being entirely sure of what they really want, or even travelling to faraway lands on missions and adventures that they're curious and excited about, I'm in equal parts happy for them, and a little sad for myself. It's always a blessing to know remarkable people who push forth courageously in their pursuit of growth and self-improvement, but it gets a little lonely sometimes, when all you seem to be doing is just gaze at them from the sidelines. Nevertheless, if anything, this week convinced me that my life really isn't as much of a sad story as I seem to always portray it to be – something which made me happy in a pretty special way.

What I'm about to say next may come across as a little too cheesy, but I'm endlessly thankful for my friends who are always sharing with me their stories and experiences, and the many lessons they have learned. It's one thing to be pressured to always be productive and on the move, and another to be utterly bored with nothing to do. Yet when it comes to truly living, it's a completely different ball game. This week, I saw how my friends could possibly teach me to live, through the invaluable mutual sharing of insights, ideas, thoughts... and the list goes on and on. It also felt like it has been a long time since I last genuinely connected with the people I care about, but the truth is, I've been doing it all along – I just failed to notice it while I was so caught up with my own frustrations over how my own life has seemed to come to a standstill. Ironically.

I've come to realise that life moves pretty fast, whether or not we're keeping ourselves busy or just chilling, and what really makes it remarkable is the value of our introspection and our reflections. Like a close friend of mine said, it's not time and experiences that teach, despite how many of us would think. We can live our lives going through the motions and deeming as many events as we want dull and forgettable, and they'd still be the same time that has passed and the same experiences that we've been through. What actually matters is whether we choose to look close enough. To ignite those epiphanies that can potentially change the way we look at the world and at ourselves. The realisations that serve as reminders for us to live.

I've been spending quite a lot of time with these two girls lately, and trust me, these photos are not the last you're going to see of them in this post. If there's one thing that I really find sweet of them, it's the way they constantly affirm my photography skills, even if I personally feel that they're not yet of a satisfactory standard. It also helps that they're rather... vain, too – put a budding photographer together with people who love having photos of themselves taken, and you'll (almost) always find yourself in a win-win situation. Needless to say, I appreciate their (especially Xiaoshi's) obsession over OOTD and profile shots, both for their confidence in expressing their style, and for all the little photo opportunities they present me.

Booked out unexpectedly early this week, so I was glad that they were coincidentally free at the time I left camp too. We met at Jem for an impromptu meal together on Thursday night, following which we strolled from mall to mall, talking about almost everything under the sun. They mentioned about how they really enjoy the chance we had to meet up, citing examples of how they occasionally felt stifled in their schools and/or workplaces when it comes to communicating with their friends/colleagues, but what was really nice was the fact that they acknowledged the ease with which we could get along, free of awkward judgment and measured diplomacy. I agree with them wholeheartedly of course, but after putting things into perspective for a bit, I realised that there's also value in differences and clashes in personalities, but only if we see meaning in reconciling them. I couldn't help but hark back to the KL trip with Yi Ren & Sheryl, where there were countless times when we disagreed completely with one another, from ways of doing things to the planning of the itinerary. Regardless, we made an effort to listen to one another and to air our concerns before reaching a mutual consensus, and thinking about it, I really do appreciate this honesty I share with many of my friends, and with these two as well, of course!

Saturday evening saw more OOTD shots, dinner with the cell group at a new, cozy location at Outram Park, and late night hangs at the Starbucks @ the Fullerton Waterboat House, a haunt we've been frequenting lately. Overall, 'twas a great night of quality conversations and simple joys.

We cycled from Pasir Ris Park to Punggol Waterway this morning, rounding off three consecutive meet-ups with Xiaoshi & Yuyun, as well as fulfilling the unspoken promise I made with Cliff to embark on a nature activity with him before he leaves for China next month. Initially, we planned to trek from Bukit Batok Nature Park to Dairy Farm Nature Park/Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, but the forecast of rain in the early morning ended up foiling our plans. Thank God for our god-sent tendencies toward spontaneity, though, for we still found a way to have fun in the end. It's a joy going for such trips with this group of friends also because they tend to be fascinated by the littlest things and the simplest beauties. It definitely helps to be around an excitable bunch!

So this marks the end of a great week, and the anticipation of many more to follow. Thankful for the reminders for happiness, and the many small adventures. As much as I'm always raring to go and move on from this current phase of my life, it definitely pays to slow down a little, to look closely, to feel, and to not pressurise and rush myself all the time.

Feels-packed week

If the past (long) weekend could be summed up in a single word, it would be: intense. Very intense. But in general, the past week has altogether been one wicked rollercoaster ride of emotions, beginning from the Sunday where I picked up where I left off in My Mad Fat Diary (MMFD) from the previous night, all the way to the concerts on Thursday and Friday.

It's suffice to say that MMFD has become one of my new favourite TV shows, and judging from how I just rambled on and on about what makes it so endearing to me in the previous post, I'll refrain from going on any further. Spent last Monday in camp catching up on the final few episodes of the second season in between preparing for the field exercise the next day, and managed to finish the entire show right before I went to sleep... which wasn't a good idea at all, considering how I'd very much prefer conserving as much of a good book or a good show as possible (so that I wouldn't feel like there's nothing to look forward to). Of course, I failed miserably this time, and now I'm just left hoping the show will be renewed for a third season.

The next two days in camp were terribly bleak, and I don't exactly know what has gotten to me, but my combat fitness seems to drop drastically with each field exercise. If you haven't already known, I HATE going out to the field with a passion, and sometimes, the dread I feel when I'm just about to move out from camp – when I'm just about to pick up the abhorrent, backbreaking burden that is the Alice pack, to be exact – is almost unbearable. This particular exercise was no excuse, and to nobody's surprise, it became the new worst field exercise ever. I've also noticed how my sense of accomplishment dwindles with each time I return to camp from an exhausting field exercise, while there's never a shortage of nasty insect bites all over my hands, shoulders, back and neck, and the temptation to just give up is always there, yet hardly within reach. With 6 months left to go before ORD, the road may seem short to many, but from where I'm standing, there's still quite a lot more to tide through. All I can say is, let me always see the greater purpose to this pain which can, at times, seem so meaningless. On the verge of burning out, but I don't want to give up... just yet.

Regardless, I guess this experience, if anything, did make the events which followed later on in the week sweeter? All I can say is, thank God there wasn't any more drama holding me back from actually attending the concerts... from experience, you never know what the SAF can come up with to completely foil your plans at any point during your time with them.

On to happier things: Taylor Swift was simply phenomenal on stage Thursday night, and that's not an understatement. I have to say I went in expecting quite the show, but it was our fault for mistakenly thinking that there was a sound check going on when we heard Ellie Goulding tracks inside the stadium while we were loitering around outside and basking in the atmosphere a few hours before the doors opened. This led us to assume that Ellie was going to make a surprise appearance later on in the show, but our hopes were quickly dashed when Taylor simply rounded off the night with her encore performance of 'We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together'. Because it was also the very final show of the Red Tour, we were all eagerly expecting something special, but although it turned out to be just another one of her normal shows, I'm DEFINITELY not complaining, for she still put up a great performance. Remaining pitch-perfect throughout, I can see that her vocals have definitely matured (though they still sounded a little strained at some points). The elaborate stage set-up, troupes of back-up dancers, numerous costume changes and bright, actively-changing LED lights also helped set the groundwork for a very entertaining show, and I was especially blown away by her performances for 'Holy Ground' (thoroughly enjoyed the drum sequence towards the chorus), 'I Knew You Were Trouble.' (still awestruck by that signature, impossible 3-second costume change), and '22' (I unabashedly went temporarily insane for this). For the surprise B-stage song, she dished out an acoustic performance of 'Long Live', a song which I feel is very apt for the final installment of her tour. Another defining moment in her show would be none other than the performance for her piano ballad 'All Too Well', in which she, well, did her trademark hair flips for the very last time in the Red Tour. All in all, I guess everyone who was with me at the concert reached a consensus that it was a night they wouldn't be forgetting anytime soon, and as she moves on to bigger, better projects, I really have her to thank for always going the extra mile for her international fans... even if it means taking the Red Tour halfway around the globe to Asia, and dragging it on for a year and a half. Then again, if I was earning even a quarter of what she rakes in from all that touring, I wouldn't be complaining already!

Also, before I forget, something ironic yet funny happened while we were hanging around outside the stadium before the show. Sheryl & I were getting excited over the possibility of Ellie Goulding appearing on stage beside Taylor Swift when we bumped into these three 14-year-olds (two girls and a guy). We small-talked for a bit and exchanged names, and when Sheryl introduced herself, both the girls broke out in giggles. Apparently, they also had a friend named Sheryl who is 'crazy because she drinks like, 100%'. And 100% what, you may ask? Bubble tea. Upon hearing this, Sheryl laughed and said she thought their friend was crazy because she drank 100% alcohol... which led us to feeling a little depressed, because right there and then, it hit us that we were getting a little too old for our comfort. You see, we're still not exactly ready to leave behind the days where the most badass drink someone could ever get was bubble tea with 100% sugar. True enough, upon reaching home after the concert, I swiftly chugged down a jug of beer to cool myself down... not that it means anything (I think).

If Taylor Swift was the highlight of the week, then Ellie Goulding was the icing on the cake. She returned to Singapore Friday night for her Halcyon Days Tour, and apparently, she played to a sold-out crowd at the Esplanade Concert Hall for the same tour last year. I'm definitely not lamenting the fact that she found Singapore crowds compelling enough for her to release yet another tour date here, and if anything, our crowds have never been more welcoming of her. As evidenced by how everyone went wild when she burst into the stage for 'Figure 8', her first performance of the night, it was obvious all of us adored her. In exchange, she continued to wow us with her husky yet dulcet voice and incredible vocal acrobatics throughout the set, and her power-packed dance moves (and abs) were enough to give her rival indie/electronic pop acts a run for their money. Though the show proved to be consistently good, my favourite parts were definitely the performance for her famous cover of Elton John's 'Your Song' – it sounded exactly like the studio-recorded version, and the final four songs and encore performance of the show, all of which were her radio hits ('Anything Could Happen', 'I Need Your Love', 'Lights', 'You My Everything' and 'Burn'). Predictably, the entire theatre went insane, and the atmosphere was overwhelming. I was literally jumping around, reaching my hands out to God-knows-what (probably a sign of complete immersion and release I guess), and overall it was plain enjoyable, and definitely great value-for-money.

I'm also grateful for Sheryl, who was my company for the two nights of concerts (without whom I probably wouldn't be spurred to watch Ellie Goulding), as well as a couple of my old classmates from secondary school and Michelle who joined me for the Taylor Swift show. On another note, I was expecting some serious post-concert depression to set in after those two nights of sweet music, but it didn't prove to be too bad. Instead, I just feel really fulfilled to have seen two of my favourite musical acts in town on two consecutive nights. I've also come to like going for concerts more, though I don't exactly know if that's a good thing, HAHA. No matter, here's to (hopefully) seeing more of my most-liked artistes around in the near future (provided I can fork out the cash, that is)!

My Mad Fat Diary

“When I look around, I see that everyone’s the protagonist of their own story. And the thing about stories is that not all of them have a happy ending. But some do.” — Rae Earl, My Mad Fat Diary

Every once in a while, you'll stumble upon a show that is so close to perfect, it startles you that something like this can possibly grace your television screen. It'll make you smile, laugh, cry and cringe in equal measure, and once you're finally done with it, you'll be left both heartened at how it has left you with a more enlightened perspective towards life, and utterly broken when you realise that it's time to move on from the characters and relationships you have unknowingly invested so much of your emotions into.

For me, My Mad Fat Diary happens to be that show, and its unabashed honesty is what won me over. It recognises that life will never be as structured and straightforward as we want it to be, and depending on the situations we find ourselves in, there's always a likelihood we'll fail and even stay at the bottom. Yet it embraces how ultimately, the power to write our own happy endings lies within us, and while it doesn't bother trying to make the journey look less tough or cushioning it with unrealistic plot twists and interventions, it showed that no matter how difficult it gets, it's possible.

Far from sounding a little too conclusive, it's also honest in the way it portrays life as a day-to-day affair. This show recognises that as human beings, we're very much a bunch of walking contradictions. We make mistakes only to make amends, we fall apart only to get back together, and at the end of the day, we can honestly never tell which state in the cycle we'll be in. One thing's for sure, though: it often takes a turn of events to shake us up again and get us back on the right track, and the show spares no effort in highlighting this.

My Mad Fat Diary follows the journey of Rae, a 16-year-old teenager with mental health and body image issues serious enough to find her in a psychiatric hospital after she hurt herself. She's as real a character as it possibly gets – she's soft, insecure, loyal, angry, selfish and kind, all at the same time. Chloe is her best friend who, on the outside, seems to have everything served to her on a silver platter – an effortlessly hot summer body, a complete family, and the fact that she's basically the perfectly feminine girl who has no trouble fitting in – while Rae very obviously has none of those and less. With this seemingly huge chasm between them, it comes as no surprise that they have a very real and special love-hate relationship. "You always make me feel guilty for having things," Chloe would exclaim in an early episode, highlighting the role she unintentionally plays in battering Rae's self-image. "When you’ve lived in someone’s shadow for a long time, you kind of get used to it", Rae would think as she admits that she'll never be as good as Chloe, but as the show progresses, you'll see that's not always the case. As much as Chloe may seem perfect to Rae, she esteems Rae higher than herself, especially admiring her smart and funny personality, and how she deserves all the good things she gets because she's "not broken and bitchy like me". True enough, the show saw Rae making difficult sacrifices to be by her best friend's side in her times of trouble in great displays of loyalty, but as it also brilliantly and deftly incorporates a few episodes which shed light on Chloe's point of view, it provides a closer look into Chloe's lack of self-worth, and how much she cares for Rae as a friend, only to be grossly misunderstood by her because she was just too self-absorbed – a difficult flaw in psychiatric patients who think too much about their own flaws. This results in a friendship where both parties actively support and heal each other, one that's surprisingly heartwarming to behold.

Another one of my favourite character relationships from the show is that between Rae and her mum. Rae goes back home after spending months in a psychiatric hospital only to find out that her mum has been in a relationship with a man without her knowing anything, and that's a perfect example of the tension in their relationship they both grapple with. Rae's mum is caught between searching for happiness and paying close attention to Rae's mental health, and Rae always seems to make it all the more difficult for her as a 16-year-old, naturally rebellious adolescent. With every passing episode, it always seems as if one has had enough of the other, but no matter how many cutting remarks are exchanged and no matter how many times both of them fall out, they will always come back together as a mother and her daughter. The show portrays this give-and-take nature with stark candidness, and throws in critical situations which eventually compels Rae to think less of herself, to love and respect her mother better, and to grow and mature as a daughter.

Ian Hart plays the role of Kester, Rae's psychiatrist, and he's more often than not a stabilising factor throughout the first series of the show. He seems perpetually patient with Rae even during the times when she may be hard to deal with and when she insists on following through with making mistakes, yet he's anything but a saintly figure. The second series saw him baring more of his personal life to Rae and drawing boundaries between Rae and him, deconstructing the widely-held expectation that psychiatrists should always be at their patients' disposal, and affirming the fact that psychiatrists are no less of human beings than anyone else, and that they need space to deal with their own problems, too. The fact that even Rae helped Kester with his struggles probably testifies to the effectiveness of a mutually beneficial relationship between doctor and patient. To quote Rae in her conversation with Kester, "We (mental patients) just need you to be real."

Last but not least, who could forget Finn, Rae's main love interest throughout the two series of the show? This particular relationship is evidently its main marketing scheme (though I personally feel that it didn't quite stand out like the others mentioned above). Finn is handsome with a wiry frame and a fixture in Rae's group of friends alongside Chloe, Archie, Chop and Izzy, as well as a fuel for Rae's mad, raging hormones. Sensitive and considerate, he sees through Rae's outward appearance and loves her for who she is inside, but this leaves Rae struggling to come to terms with the fact that such a 'perfect' guy would like someone like her. However, he ultimately proves to be right for her despite how she may try to push him away in complete denial of her true feelings, as he always manages to boost Rae's self-confidence and help her see things as what they are.

There's still so much to rave over this almost-perfect-but-definitely-good-enough show, but even so, I've written way more than enough, and I'd rather not risk revealing too much plot content. Let's just say that many will be able to relate to what it has to share, and... heck, everyone should just watch it, 'nuff said. If you're looking for the best coming-of-age/teen drama series you haven't watched, look no further – this is definitely it.

Wonderful Unknown

Here we go, dancing on our own,
Inside this house that we have never known, never known
Here we go, going in alone
Into the dark and wonderful unknown,
Let us go, let us go

Loving Ingrid Michaelson's new album. I've had it playing on loop in YouTube since three nights ago, after learning that she'll be returning to Singapore for a show in September. To be honest, I wasn't even aware that she released a new album until the tour announcement was made, but better late than never, right?

Anyway, she definitely didn't disappoint this time round - the album's beautifully crafted songs speak of life, love and loss with a trademark sensitivity that, as usual, pays a poignant tribute to her life experiences. I also dived in fully expecting the album to be rather mellow, judging from the way it was marketed and all, but my ears were, much to my surprise, warmly greeted by a good number of upbeat tunes, such as 'Afterlife', and 'Girls Chase Boys'. If you ask me, the album's definitely worth a listen (why the hell not?), and if you're the type who has a soft spot for female vocalists who actively participate in the songwriting and producing process, blessing the world not only with their beautiful voices, but also with their stunning music and lyrics, you're in for a wonderful treat. My personal favourites off this album would be her collaborations, namely 'Over You', 'Open Hands' and 'One Night Town', and of course, the song posted above.

In other news, I haven't done a good job at catching up with my life in this place... as expected. The block leave I was forced to clear this week's quickly coming to an end, and although I didn't go out of the way to have lots of fun and make the most out of this period (e.g. spontaneously hopping on a plane to a random country), it still didn't feel wasted, so all is well.

Two Saturdays ago, I woke up at the unearthly hour of 7.30am to accompany my mom to a Shopify sharing session at SingTel ComCentre. Initially, I had misgivings about the event because after all, she was tipped off by a random advertisement that appeared in Her World magazine, so I was expecting it to be rather... femininely out-of-touch, if that's a complete enough description. It turned out to be informative and even engaging in the end, and I thoroughly enjoyed it despite the skewed gender ratio in the audience and the fact that I still don't believe it's good value for money (the entrance fee was a whopping $50 if I'm not wrong). The sharing session did inspire a couple of fresh ideas in me (which I have yet to act upon) though, and I definitely left with a much better impression of Shopify on a whole (entered thinking that it was just an entry-level, non-professional e-commerce start-up website for those looking to dabble casually in online markets, but left affirmed that it's actually an efficient, no-frills solution for both amateurs and professionals alike... I overestimate my IT skills too much for my own good).

The next day, I met Michelle, Sheryl & Lena for a 'night under the stars' with Shakespeare in the Park: The Merchant of Venice. Had dinner at Kith Café @ Park Mall, a place I've been meaning to try for pretty long already, before settling down at Fort Canning Park (with surprisingly good seats considering how we were rather late) for a truly amazing performance by the Singapore Repertory Theatre. The stage could barely be considered fancy and the dialogue was a little too flowery for my liking, but despite that, the cast successfully managed to assimilate their roles and make the story accessible. Overall, it was great value for money, and even now I'm already contemplating if I should attend the event again next year, hahaha.

Before I happily left camp for the enforced block leave last Friday, I had to pull through yet another mini field exercise which turned out memorable (in a bad way of course) due to run-ins with the CSM which saw me signing for three extra duties and kissing my clean record goodbye... all because of a stupid 'mistake' which isn't even worth mentioning here. If anything, it only serves to remind me that in the army, you can literally do anything you want - just don't get caught. Ever.

On Sunday, a few of us 'old birds' (lol) from the E290 days gathered to belatedly celebrate Xiaoshi's birthday with a meal at the ThaiPan in the Mandarin Gardens apartments (老地方 where we used to gather for cell group meetings in the past), followed by a hilarious karaoke session (just because Xiaoshi was so tone-deaf). Returning to places in my recent past, I can't help but find it funny how so much has changed, when it feels like things haven't actually been very different. Aaron, who used to live in Mandarin Gardens and who played host to our cell group meetings in the past, left our lives without leaving so much as a trace in the end, and looking back, church has unknowingly come to play such a huge role in my life such that it's startling to realise how I've actually seen so many changes over the past few years. Perhaps the reason why this hadn't hit me with full impact until now was because the important parts remained more or less the same, and the friendships I most valued remained more or less intact, giving me an illusion that things are just taking their time to change. But in due time, I know God will lead us to different places, even if we don't exactly realise it.

Tuesday was a day to honour a promise that I frankly didn't really bother keeping – exercising, with the exact promise being to exercise regularly, but obviously I'm a horrible person who's too lazy for my own good. Went to Yiren's aunt's condo to swim with Sheryl & him, where I tried to exercise at the gym for a bit and teach Sheryl how to swim the breaststroke... to no avail, unfortunately. The swim also made me realise that my fitness level has plunged more drastically than I thought, and it's an especially sad realisation considering how little I actually care. I guess I need to stop thinking that I'll never be able to gain weight no matter what I do, and start exercising again, even if it means taking baby steps towards a goal that may currently still be out of sight. But of course, this particular thought didn't immediately occur to me, for right after the swim we gladly indulged in hawker fare (wanton noodles + oyster omelette om nom nom) and some waffles with ice cream at the nearby Milk & Honey Gelato which, I have to say, was shockingly underwhelming. I remember cringing upon my first taste of the balsamic strawberry flavour which was way too concentrated and sour, while Yiren & Sheryl were more than satisfied with how the café played their favourite Kari Jobe as background music (I'm not exactly a fan, so sadly that didn't manage to compensate for anything).

Moving on, Wednesday was yet another wet day (albeit more tiring), and this time, I spent the afternoon at Adventure Cove with Kwok Sing & Raman. They were rather unexpected company, for I didn't anticipate to meet any NS friends at all during this block leave, but nonetheless it was a day well-spent. Adventure Cove occurred to me as a more hyped-up version of Wild Wild Wet, and we ended up spending most of our time fooling around in the wave pool and the artificial river which meandered through the park, instead of trying out the water slides. But it was definitely fun to be like a kid again (although half the time it was just the other two who were fooling around, hahaha).

Made it a point to head down to Kinokuniya after my driving lesson on Thursday afternoon to get a couple more titles to read. I settled with 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' and 'Atonement' in the end (hopefully they won't prove to be too overwhelming for my tiny brain), marking the halfway point in my reading challenge for this year – that is, to complete 18 books. Continued to while away quite some time there and in the Orchard area before heading straight down to Jurong West for bible study, which I felt was definitely at least worth the time spent travelling there. I personally really appreciate Pastor Tan's lucid analyses of the Scriptures, and how he always manages to sieve out the most important and enduring themes and messages from the Word. Also, Yuyun, back from a 6-week long trip to Kenya and very obviously full of interesting stories, joined us that night, and I was nothing short of enthralled at her colourful sharings during the cab ride home. If anything, it definitely changed my perspective of Africa, making it a little more personal somehow. Welcome back Yuyun (if you're reading this), and I honestly can't wait to follow your footsteps and embark on journeys similar to yours. :) Six more months to freedom!

Although the block leave's ending very soon, there's still quite a lot to be excited about, what with two upcoming concerts/gigs next week (Red Tour and Ellie Goulding). I can only imagine the post-concert depression that inevitably follow, but for now, I shall just revel in the tense anticipation. So here's to a (hopefully) smooth week ahead, before I go on to unleash the Ultimate Fanboy Mode. I just hope that I don't procrastinate writing about the concerts too much, though.

Rant about, of all things, Instagram

I'm relatively artistic, or at least I try to be, and it's one of the few personality traits which I've willingly built upon over the years. Perhaps my inborn perfectionism regarding aesthetics does play a pretty huge role in this, but since I was rather young, maybe around 12, I've cared a lot about making nice graphics for the Internet, organising web pages to look beautifully simple or sophisticated, or just creating aesthetically-pleasing things in general – all of this at a point in time when most of my friends couldn't care less about anything related to art & design (many of them still don't). I remember being completely secure in this particular interest of mine throughout secondary school and in being the "cool" one who knows how to code and design graphics, and I believed it to be one of the very few redeeming talents I have. However, as times changed and I found myself meddling around with codes and Photoshop less, I directed my artistic values into other pursuits such as photography, sketching and illustration, and that's also when others' perceptions toward my interests, especially photography, kinda changed.

I see no point in keeping the things I created for myself without sharing them, especially when I feel it looks good and deserves to be appreciated, but it irks me to no end sometimes, how so many of my friends just fail to get it. When it comes to photography and Instagram, for example, my feed would be primarily dominated by photos of people and photo collages of MORE people, or poorly taken or edited photos with the sole aim of letting others know what they were doing without at least trying to make the photo look more presentable. Don't get me wrong, though - I have no problems with these kinds of users, but the hitch is that they literally make up 90% of those I know in real life who also use Instagram, and that literally leaves me in one corner, genuinely caring about how I can go about taking better photos and feeling mildly frustrated over why so little of the people I know actually care about making their photos look good, or to put it simply, contributing to the 'mobile photography community'.

Of course, I don't expect my friends to magically change the way they take photos, or have the instinct to explore new approaches towards photography, just because I don't know enough people in real life who actively foster my creativity. Besides, chances are they won't be able to even if they tried, and that is completely OK by me. But what kinda irritates me is that some of these friends who recognise my artistic tendencies go on to make light remarks and jokes about it. I guess it would be easy for one to tell me to stop being so butt-hurt over such trivial issues upon reading this, so I shall make it plain and clear here that photography is something that I'm seriously interested in, and that in my eyes, it deserves way more appreciation than the occasional teasing and jabbing over why I take photos in a certain way or try so hard to achieve a certain style. Unfortunately, some people have obviously failed to respect that. Take one of those people for example, who, after knowing about my Instagram account, started pointing fingers at random things and telling me to 'take a ~hipster photo~ of it', or another one, who, upon knowing that I enjoy sharing photos, went on to make jokes which wrongfully suggest that I'm pointlessly addicted to Instagram ("Hey that pole looks nice why don't you go Instagram it or something?").

Granted, with the advent of social media and its new ways of sharing photography, one is bound to be caught in situations like these if he fails to build or join a like-minded community where he can share his photos without being dismissed as too 'artsy' and inaccessible. Photography is no longer as exclusive as it was just a few years ago, and today, in order to share photography as an art form and be noticed, one has to simply launch it to a huge audience of which probably more than half does not know how to appreciate it. As of now, I'm unfortunately caught between the pros and those who use social media simply to honestly share their lives, and I'm likely to remain that way if I intend to stop at the level of an amateur photographer... sadly.

In the end, I guess it all boils down to mutual respect. I love using photography to express my creativity, and I care about making my photos look nice when it may be something completely unimportant to the person right across the street. However, I don't intend to pursue photography professionally, or at least I haven't quite hit the skill level to become a pro. I guess it's this point where one unabashedly pursues his interest even though he might not be extremely good at it that he is most vulnerable. Why go out of the way to post something so ~artsy~ and ~hipster~, they would say, when you could just share normal photos and photo collages like 90% of the other people you know who treat Instagram like they used to treat Facebook? But you know, I'd rather not conform in this way, because I'm doing something I believe in and feel strongly about. And just like how I respect the way you present yourself on social media, demanding the same kind of respect is already the least I can do.