A reminder to live

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

So many disjointed thoughts to put into organised, flowing paragraphs of words lately, but one thing's for sure: this week saw a strangely fulfilling kind of happiness.

It's no surprise that I would very much rather be busy like many of my other friends right now, many of whom are either in university or slogging away for their holiday jobs following their graduation from poly. I'm the kind of person who prefers to keep myself occupied, especially since the daily grind of my life in the army has long gotten to me, and I long to embark on a productive and meaningful journey once again. Seeing how many of them are either learning brand new lessons and picking up valuable skills in exchange for hard-earned money in the workplace, chasing their passions in their chosen field of study and taking risks by trying something new despite not being entirely sure of what they really want, or even travelling to faraway lands on missions and adventures that they're curious and excited about, I'm in equal parts happy for them, and a little sad for myself. It's always a blessing to know remarkable people who push forth courageously in their pursuit of growth and self-improvement, but it gets a little lonely sometimes, when all you seem to be doing is just gaze at them from the sidelines. Nevertheless, if anything, this week convinced me that my life really isn't as much of a sad story as I seem to always portray it to be – something which made me happy in a pretty special way.

What I'm about to say next may come across as a little too cheesy, but I'm endlessly thankful for my friends who are always sharing with me their stories and experiences, and the many lessons they have learned. It's one thing to be pressured to always be productive and on the move, and another to be utterly bored with nothing to do. Yet when it comes to truly living, it's a completely different ball game. This week, I saw how my friends could possibly teach me to live, through the invaluable mutual sharing of insights, ideas, thoughts... and the list goes on and on. It also felt like it has been a long time since I last genuinely connected with the people I care about, but the truth is, I've been doing it all along – I just failed to notice it while I was so caught up with my own frustrations over how my own life has seemed to come to a standstill. Ironically.

I've come to realise that life moves pretty fast, whether or not we're keeping ourselves busy or just chilling, and what really makes it remarkable is the value of our introspection and our reflections. Like a close friend of mine said, it's not time and experiences that teach, despite how many of us would think. We can live our lives going through the motions and deeming as many events as we want dull and forgettable, and they'd still be the same time that has passed and the same experiences that we've been through. What actually matters is whether we choose to look close enough. To ignite those epiphanies that can potentially change the way we look at the world and at ourselves. The realisations that serve as reminders for us to live.

I've been spending quite a lot of time with these two girls lately, and trust me, these photos are not the last you're going to see of them in this post. If there's one thing that I really find sweet of them, it's the way they constantly affirm my photography skills, even if I personally feel that they're not yet of a satisfactory standard. It also helps that they're rather... vain, too – put a budding photographer together with people who love having photos of themselves taken, and you'll (almost) always find yourself in a win-win situation. Needless to say, I appreciate their (especially Xiaoshi's) obsession over OOTD and profile shots, both for their confidence in expressing their style, and for all the little photo opportunities they present me.

Booked out unexpectedly early this week, so I was glad that they were coincidentally free at the time I left camp too. We met at Jem for an impromptu meal together on Thursday night, following which we strolled from mall to mall, talking about almost everything under the sun. They mentioned about how they really enjoy the chance we had to meet up, citing examples of how they occasionally felt stifled in their schools and/or workplaces when it comes to communicating with their friends/colleagues, but what was really nice was the fact that they acknowledged the ease with which we could get along, free of awkward judgment and measured diplomacy. I agree with them wholeheartedly of course, but after putting things into perspective for a bit, I realised that there's also value in differences and clashes in personalities, but only if we see meaning in reconciling them. I couldn't help but hark back to the KL trip with Yi Ren & Sheryl, where there were countless times when we disagreed completely with one another, from ways of doing things to the planning of the itinerary. Regardless, we made an effort to listen to one another and to air our concerns before reaching a mutual consensus, and thinking about it, I really do appreciate this honesty I share with many of my friends, and with these two as well, of course!

Saturday evening saw more OOTD shots, dinner with the cell group at a new, cozy location at Outram Park, and late night hangs at the Starbucks @ the Fullerton Waterboat House, a haunt we've been frequenting lately. Overall, 'twas a great night of quality conversations and simple joys.

We cycled from Pasir Ris Park to Punggol Waterway this morning, rounding off three consecutive meet-ups with Xiaoshi & Yuyun, as well as fulfilling the unspoken promise I made with Cliff to embark on a nature activity with him before he leaves for China next month. Initially, we planned to trek from Bukit Batok Nature Park to Dairy Farm Nature Park/Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, but the forecast of rain in the early morning ended up foiling our plans. Thank God for our god-sent tendencies toward spontaneity, though, for we still found a way to have fun in the end. It's a joy going for such trips with this group of friends also because they tend to be fascinated by the littlest things and the simplest beauties. It definitely helps to be around an excitable bunch!

So this marks the end of a great week, and the anticipation of many more to follow. Thankful for the reminders for happiness, and the many small adventures. As much as I'm always raring to go and move on from this current phase of my life, it definitely pays to slow down a little, to look closely, to feel, and to not pressurise and rush myself all the time.

Wonderful Unknown

Here we go, dancing on our own,
Inside this house that we have never known, never known
Here we go, going in alone
Into the dark and wonderful unknown,
Let us go, let us go

Loving Ingrid Michaelson's new album. I've had it playing on loop in YouTube since three nights ago, after learning that she'll be returning to Singapore for a show in September. To be honest, I wasn't even aware that she released a new album until the tour announcement was made, but better late than never, right?

Anyway, she definitely didn't disappoint this time round - the album's beautifully crafted songs speak of life, love and loss with a trademark sensitivity that, as usual, pays a poignant tribute to her life experiences. I also dived in fully expecting the album to be rather mellow, judging from the way it was marketed and all, but my ears were, much to my surprise, warmly greeted by a good number of upbeat tunes, such as 'Afterlife', and 'Girls Chase Boys'. If you ask me, the album's definitely worth a listen (why the hell not?), and if you're the type who has a soft spot for female vocalists who actively participate in the songwriting and producing process, blessing the world not only with their beautiful voices, but also with their stunning music and lyrics, you're in for a wonderful treat. My personal favourites off this album would be her collaborations, namely 'Over You', 'Open Hands' and 'One Night Town', and of course, the song posted above.

In other news, I haven't done a good job at catching up with my life in this place... as expected. The block leave I was forced to clear this week's quickly coming to an end, and although I didn't go out of the way to have lots of fun and make the most out of this period (e.g. spontaneously hopping on a plane to a random country), it still didn't feel wasted, so all is well.

Two Saturdays ago, I woke up at the unearthly hour of 7.30am to accompany my mom to a Shopify sharing session at SingTel ComCentre. Initially, I had misgivings about the event because after all, she was tipped off by a random advertisement that appeared in Her World magazine, so I was expecting it to be rather... femininely out-of-touch, if that's a complete enough description. It turned out to be informative and even engaging in the end, and I thoroughly enjoyed it despite the skewed gender ratio in the audience and the fact that I still don't believe it's good value for money (the entrance fee was a whopping $50 if I'm not wrong). The sharing session did inspire a couple of fresh ideas in me (which I have yet to act upon) though, and I definitely left with a much better impression of Shopify on a whole (entered thinking that it was just an entry-level, non-professional e-commerce start-up website for those looking to dabble casually in online markets, but left affirmed that it's actually an efficient, no-frills solution for both amateurs and professionals alike... I overestimate my IT skills too much for my own good).

The next day, I met Michelle, Sheryl & Lena for a 'night under the stars' with Shakespeare in the Park: The Merchant of Venice. Had dinner at Kith Café @ Park Mall, a place I've been meaning to try for pretty long already, before settling down at Fort Canning Park (with surprisingly good seats considering how we were rather late) for a truly amazing performance by the Singapore Repertory Theatre. The stage could barely be considered fancy and the dialogue was a little too flowery for my liking, but despite that, the cast successfully managed to assimilate their roles and make the story accessible. Overall, it was great value for money, and even now I'm already contemplating if I should attend the event again next year, hahaha.

Before I happily left camp for the enforced block leave last Friday, I had to pull through yet another mini field exercise which turned out memorable (in a bad way of course) due to run-ins with the CSM which saw me signing for three extra duties and kissing my clean record goodbye... all because of a stupid 'mistake' which isn't even worth mentioning here. If anything, it only serves to remind me that in the army, you can literally do anything you want - just don't get caught. Ever.

On Sunday, a few of us 'old birds' (lol) from the E290 days gathered to belatedly celebrate Xiaoshi's birthday with a meal at the ThaiPan in the Mandarin Gardens apartments (老地方 where we used to gather for cell group meetings in the past), followed by a hilarious karaoke session (just because Xiaoshi was so tone-deaf). Returning to places in my recent past, I can't help but find it funny how so much has changed, when it feels like things haven't actually been very different. Aaron, who used to live in Mandarin Gardens and who played host to our cell group meetings in the past, left our lives without leaving so much as a trace in the end, and looking back, church has unknowingly come to play such a huge role in my life such that it's startling to realise how I've actually seen so many changes over the past few years. Perhaps the reason why this hadn't hit me with full impact until now was because the important parts remained more or less the same, and the friendships I most valued remained more or less intact, giving me an illusion that things are just taking their time to change. But in due time, I know God will lead us to different places, even if we don't exactly realise it.

Tuesday was a day to honour a promise that I frankly didn't really bother keeping – exercising, with the exact promise being to exercise regularly, but obviously I'm a horrible person who's too lazy for my own good. Went to Yiren's aunt's condo to swim with Sheryl & him, where I tried to exercise at the gym for a bit and teach Sheryl how to swim the breaststroke... to no avail, unfortunately. The swim also made me realise that my fitness level has plunged more drastically than I thought, and it's an especially sad realisation considering how little I actually care. I guess I need to stop thinking that I'll never be able to gain weight no matter what I do, and start exercising again, even if it means taking baby steps towards a goal that may currently still be out of sight. But of course, this particular thought didn't immediately occur to me, for right after the swim we gladly indulged in hawker fare (wanton noodles + oyster omelette om nom nom) and some waffles with ice cream at the nearby Milk & Honey Gelato which, I have to say, was shockingly underwhelming. I remember cringing upon my first taste of the balsamic strawberry flavour which was way too concentrated and sour, while Yiren & Sheryl were more than satisfied with how the café played their favourite Kari Jobe as background music (I'm not exactly a fan, so sadly that didn't manage to compensate for anything).

Moving on, Wednesday was yet another wet day (albeit more tiring), and this time, I spent the afternoon at Adventure Cove with Kwok Sing & Raman. They were rather unexpected company, for I didn't anticipate to meet any NS friends at all during this block leave, but nonetheless it was a day well-spent. Adventure Cove occurred to me as a more hyped-up version of Wild Wild Wet, and we ended up spending most of our time fooling around in the wave pool and the artificial river which meandered through the park, instead of trying out the water slides. But it was definitely fun to be like a kid again (although half the time it was just the other two who were fooling around, hahaha).

Made it a point to head down to Kinokuniya after my driving lesson on Thursday afternoon to get a couple more titles to read. I settled with 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' and 'Atonement' in the end (hopefully they won't prove to be too overwhelming for my tiny brain), marking the halfway point in my reading challenge for this year – that is, to complete 18 books. Continued to while away quite some time there and in the Orchard area before heading straight down to Jurong West for bible study, which I felt was definitely at least worth the time spent travelling there. I personally really appreciate Pastor Tan's lucid analyses of the Scriptures, and how he always manages to sieve out the most important and enduring themes and messages from the Word. Also, Yuyun, back from a 6-week long trip to Kenya and very obviously full of interesting stories, joined us that night, and I was nothing short of enthralled at her colourful sharings during the cab ride home. If anything, it definitely changed my perspective of Africa, making it a little more personal somehow. Welcome back Yuyun (if you're reading this), and I honestly can't wait to follow your footsteps and embark on journeys similar to yours. :) Six more months to freedom!

Although the block leave's ending very soon, there's still quite a lot to be excited about, what with two upcoming concerts/gigs next week (Red Tour and Ellie Goulding). I can only imagine the post-concert depression that inevitably follow, but for now, I shall just revel in the tense anticipation. So here's to a (hopefully) smooth week ahead, before I go on to unleash the Ultimate Fanboy Mode. I just hope that I don't procrastinate writing about the concerts too much, though.

KL

Just returned from KL yesterday morning, and I personally think the amazing city deserves more credit. Putting myself out there, getting lost, and roaming the city like locals do in a place where opulence and glitz coexist in harmony with unkempt streets and paint chipping off walls turned out to be more enjoyable than I thought, and though different from the well-organized infrastructure back in Singapore, it is by no means inferior. KL is a city with apparent room for improvement – it's vibrant and in constant flux, perfectly OK with not being squeaky clean, immaculate, or a haven for breeding sheltered, idyllic lifestyles, and that is what makes the city intriguing. It's far from perfect, but it's perfectly authentic.

This KL trip was also the first time I roamed a bustling city on my own, free from the assurance of family and the itinerary of guided tours. This also meant that nothing came between us and the locals, and there were definitely noteworthy experiences from interacting with them. To say the least, it wasn't until I was independent in the heart of the city that I realised Singapore has coddled me in excessive comfort. It did shock me quite a bit to see several homeless people taking refuge in the corners of the most affluent parts of the city, and until this trip, we never had to doubt that our taxi drivers would bring us to our destination. These two days in KL, although short, made me realise a lot about myself and society as a whole, be it what I can offer with the privileges that I have been showered with, or how I should learn to trust strangers more and to take greater risks.

I believe this trip has further opened my mind to many valuable lessons and realizations that I can never glean in small, comfortable Singapore. Of course, there's nothing wrong with wanting comfort – it's at times even instinctive, but I will strive to never regret any opportunities for more diversified experiences should they come my way in the future.

Better days

I've been spending an hour or so walking around a place of choice as some sort of citizen-tourist after booking out these two weeks. Spurred on by interesting photos of Singapore I saw on the internet and all over Instagram, I decided to go on similar, sporadic photography trips of my own, and they've turned out to be surprisingly fulfilling. :) Up till recently, I was accustomed to a mindset of convenience and practicality when it comes to travelling in Singapore, always either taking the usual public transport routes to get to the same few places I usually frequent, travelling for the sake of meeting friends and accomplishing tasks rather than as an end in itself, or choosing to be driven around by car whenever we go out as a family. Though such habits have nonetheless made me well-acquainted with generally many places across Singapore (for after all, it's still a little red dot on the world map), there remains places I have never bothered to set foot in or explore properly. So on Wednesday, I walked around Taman Jurong Estate and the immediate vicinity surrounding Lakeside station, and just yesterday, I travelled by foot from Tanjong Pagar station to Chinatown, with the aims of simply taking in the various sights and sounds, and finding new perspectives from which to document Singapore. Being alone with myself and visiting the places I'd like to properly see and explore without being detoured by a partner proved to be more enjoyable than I thought. Of course, going for photography trips with friends – especially with those who have similar interests – can definitely enrich the experience, and it's been great having a few of them willing to participate in such journeys with me. Glad to have invested in a hobby of some sorts in which I can both enjoy at my own leisure and utilise as an avenue for bonding. :)

In other news, some updates dating from a few weeks back till today:

Some photos from the Friday four (!!) weeks ago. Had an impromptu photography session with Rashid & Sylvia at Fort Canning Park and National Museum of Singapore before chilling with some drinks at SMU, followed by a men's meeting organized by my church with some of the guys from E391 which turned out better than I expected. Managed to bond with a few other guys from EC Zone through a food hunt for which we pretty much failed terribly, but it's alright – there wouldn't be an opportunity for us to meet otherwise, and it was humbling learning about their personal experiences and backgrounds. Admittedly, I was skeptical about the whole event at first, but of course, I didn't  regret turning up after it all ended. :)

Labour Day (three Thursdays ago) was spent with Yi Ren & Sheryl at the Marina area. Initially we met up with the intention of cementing our plans for a short trip to KL (which thankfully has already been settled as of now), but it just ended up being one of those random walks round town for gazing at the same old city lights and having the same old idle conversations. It was a good respite from the stifling atmosphere back in camp though, speaking of which that particular week wasn't too bad, actually. Had a recce skills evaluation which my team fared pretty well in – something completely unexpected considering the lack of training prior to the test.

For my night out on Wednesday, I planned to meet Rashid & Sylvia for a short catch-up session. Was initially keen on catching the new Spider-Man movie with them, until Sylvia said that she's already watched it... much to no one's surprise, actually. After all, when it comes to watching Marvel movies together, chances are at least one of your friends have already watched it before /shrugs.

With the movies crossed off our already short list of things-we-could-do, we decided to settle with coffee, which brought us to our next challenge – settling on a nice and accessible café to meet. There's a considerable number of cafés that dot the West Coast and Bukit Timah areas near my camp, and I personally have been wanting to try a few of them, notably those near NUS such as W39 Bistro & Revolution Coffee. But in the end, after much light bickering, we decided on D'Good Café at Holland Village, which wasn't exactly among the first few cafés I would think of, but that's just me, because I didn't know that it would be Rashid's and Sylvia's first time at Holland Village... MUCH to my surprise, hahaha. I guess Easties will always be Easties, well unless your camp just happens to be at the other end of Singapore.

Brief as the meet-up was, it was great seeing them again and laughing over the same old stupid things. The waffles from D'Good were good, too – underrated considering how many hobbyist café-hoppers seem to always gush over the waffles from the same few cafés while notably leaving this one out. It's not exactly incredibly crisp with a burnished layer on the outside while fluffy and cottony on the inside like how the food reviewers would put it, but it's definitely good enough to merit a couple of positive reviews.

Headed to Coffee Bean with Rashid after that, where he had his breakfast-for-dinner, rather strange considering how he messed up his order of meals for the day hahaha. Then again, it just goes to show that anytime is a good time for dessert. :) Talked about their upcoming trip to Krabi over his meal, and felt a little regretful that I couldn't make it. Nonetheless, the upcoming short getaway to KL with Sheryl & Yi Ren should compensate for all that I'm going to miss.

Overall, I would say that my days have been slightly better as of late? It comes as a stark contrast against a few weeks ago, during the period when I found myself contemplating my existing friendships and the problems faced when it comes to maintaining them. I'm trying harder to keep everyone in mind right now, and hopefully the efforts will pay off in the long run. As much as I'm better off on my own most of the time being the introvert I am, and despite how I'm an adaptable person who takes changes in my stride, I have to decide that I still do need some of the people I've met in the past as my close friends. I shouldn't be too eager to let go, to dismiss the distance that results from a lack of effort as differences that can no longer be reconciled. And as I work harder on this aspect of life, I definitely hope that I'll be seeing yet another opportunity for personal growth.