Feels-packed week

If the past (long) weekend could be summed up in a single word, it would be: intense. Very intense. But in general, the past week has altogether been one wicked rollercoaster ride of emotions, beginning from the Sunday where I picked up where I left off in My Mad Fat Diary (MMFD) from the previous night, all the way to the concerts on Thursday and Friday.

It's suffice to say that MMFD has become one of my new favourite TV shows, and judging from how I just rambled on and on about what makes it so endearing to me in the previous post, I'll refrain from going on any further. Spent last Monday in camp catching up on the final few episodes of the second season in between preparing for the field exercise the next day, and managed to finish the entire show right before I went to sleep... which wasn't a good idea at all, considering how I'd very much prefer conserving as much of a good book or a good show as possible (so that I wouldn't feel like there's nothing to look forward to). Of course, I failed miserably this time, and now I'm just left hoping the show will be renewed for a third season.

The next two days in camp were terribly bleak, and I don't exactly know what has gotten to me, but my combat fitness seems to drop drastically with each field exercise. If you haven't already known, I HATE going out to the field with a passion, and sometimes, the dread I feel when I'm just about to move out from camp – when I'm just about to pick up the abhorrent, backbreaking burden that is the Alice pack, to be exact – is almost unbearable. This particular exercise was no excuse, and to nobody's surprise, it became the new worst field exercise ever. I've also noticed how my sense of accomplishment dwindles with each time I return to camp from an exhausting field exercise, while there's never a shortage of nasty insect bites all over my hands, shoulders, back and neck, and the temptation to just give up is always there, yet hardly within reach. With 6 months left to go before ORD, the road may seem short to many, but from where I'm standing, there's still quite a lot more to tide through. All I can say is, let me always see the greater purpose to this pain which can, at times, seem so meaningless. On the verge of burning out, but I don't want to give up... just yet.

Regardless, I guess this experience, if anything, did make the events which followed later on in the week sweeter? All I can say is, thank God there wasn't any more drama holding me back from actually attending the concerts... from experience, you never know what the SAF can come up with to completely foil your plans at any point during your time with them.

On to happier things: Taylor Swift was simply phenomenal on stage Thursday night, and that's not an understatement. I have to say I went in expecting quite the show, but it was our fault for mistakenly thinking that there was a sound check going on when we heard Ellie Goulding tracks inside the stadium while we were loitering around outside and basking in the atmosphere a few hours before the doors opened. This led us to assume that Ellie was going to make a surprise appearance later on in the show, but our hopes were quickly dashed when Taylor simply rounded off the night with her encore performance of 'We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together'. Because it was also the very final show of the Red Tour, we were all eagerly expecting something special, but although it turned out to be just another one of her normal shows, I'm DEFINITELY not complaining, for she still put up a great performance. Remaining pitch-perfect throughout, I can see that her vocals have definitely matured (though they still sounded a little strained at some points). The elaborate stage set-up, troupes of back-up dancers, numerous costume changes and bright, actively-changing LED lights also helped set the groundwork for a very entertaining show, and I was especially blown away by her performances for 'Holy Ground' (thoroughly enjoyed the drum sequence towards the chorus), 'I Knew You Were Trouble.' (still awestruck by that signature, impossible 3-second costume change), and '22' (I unabashedly went temporarily insane for this). For the surprise B-stage song, she dished out an acoustic performance of 'Long Live', a song which I feel is very apt for the final installment of her tour. Another defining moment in her show would be none other than the performance for her piano ballad 'All Too Well', in which she, well, did her trademark hair flips for the very last time in the Red Tour. All in all, I guess everyone who was with me at the concert reached a consensus that it was a night they wouldn't be forgetting anytime soon, and as she moves on to bigger, better projects, I really have her to thank for always going the extra mile for her international fans... even if it means taking the Red Tour halfway around the globe to Asia, and dragging it on for a year and a half. Then again, if I was earning even a quarter of what she rakes in from all that touring, I wouldn't be complaining already!

Also, before I forget, something ironic yet funny happened while we were hanging around outside the stadium before the show. Sheryl & I were getting excited over the possibility of Ellie Goulding appearing on stage beside Taylor Swift when we bumped into these three 14-year-olds (two girls and a guy). We small-talked for a bit and exchanged names, and when Sheryl introduced herself, both the girls broke out in giggles. Apparently, they also had a friend named Sheryl who is 'crazy because she drinks like, 100%'. And 100% what, you may ask? Bubble tea. Upon hearing this, Sheryl laughed and said she thought their friend was crazy because she drank 100% alcohol... which led us to feeling a little depressed, because right there and then, it hit us that we were getting a little too old for our comfort. You see, we're still not exactly ready to leave behind the days where the most badass drink someone could ever get was bubble tea with 100% sugar. True enough, upon reaching home after the concert, I swiftly chugged down a jug of beer to cool myself down... not that it means anything (I think).

If Taylor Swift was the highlight of the week, then Ellie Goulding was the icing on the cake. She returned to Singapore Friday night for her Halcyon Days Tour, and apparently, she played to a sold-out crowd at the Esplanade Concert Hall for the same tour last year. I'm definitely not lamenting the fact that she found Singapore crowds compelling enough for her to release yet another tour date here, and if anything, our crowds have never been more welcoming of her. As evidenced by how everyone went wild when she burst into the stage for 'Figure 8', her first performance of the night, it was obvious all of us adored her. In exchange, she continued to wow us with her husky yet dulcet voice and incredible vocal acrobatics throughout the set, and her power-packed dance moves (and abs) were enough to give her rival indie/electronic pop acts a run for their money. Though the show proved to be consistently good, my favourite parts were definitely the performance for her famous cover of Elton John's 'Your Song' – it sounded exactly like the studio-recorded version, and the final four songs and encore performance of the show, all of which were her radio hits ('Anything Could Happen', 'I Need Your Love', 'Lights', 'You My Everything' and 'Burn'). Predictably, the entire theatre went insane, and the atmosphere was overwhelming. I was literally jumping around, reaching my hands out to God-knows-what (probably a sign of complete immersion and release I guess), and overall it was plain enjoyable, and definitely great value-for-money.

I'm also grateful for Sheryl, who was my company for the two nights of concerts (without whom I probably wouldn't be spurred to watch Ellie Goulding), as well as a couple of my old classmates from secondary school and Michelle who joined me for the Taylor Swift show. On another note, I was expecting some serious post-concert depression to set in after those two nights of sweet music, but it didn't prove to be too bad. Instead, I just feel really fulfilled to have seen two of my favourite musical acts in town on two consecutive nights. I've also come to like going for concerts more, though I don't exactly know if that's a good thing, HAHA. No matter, here's to (hopefully) seeing more of my most-liked artistes around in the near future (provided I can fork out the cash, that is)!

My Mad Fat Diary

“When I look around, I see that everyone’s the protagonist of their own story. And the thing about stories is that not all of them have a happy ending. But some do.” — Rae Earl, My Mad Fat Diary

Every once in a while, you'll stumble upon a show that is so close to perfect, it startles you that something like this can possibly grace your television screen. It'll make you smile, laugh, cry and cringe in equal measure, and once you're finally done with it, you'll be left both heartened at how it has left you with a more enlightened perspective towards life, and utterly broken when you realise that it's time to move on from the characters and relationships you have unknowingly invested so much of your emotions into.

For me, My Mad Fat Diary happens to be that show, and its unabashed honesty is what won me over. It recognises that life will never be as structured and straightforward as we want it to be, and depending on the situations we find ourselves in, there's always a likelihood we'll fail and even stay at the bottom. Yet it embraces how ultimately, the power to write our own happy endings lies within us, and while it doesn't bother trying to make the journey look less tough or cushioning it with unrealistic plot twists and interventions, it showed that no matter how difficult it gets, it's possible.

Far from sounding a little too conclusive, it's also honest in the way it portrays life as a day-to-day affair. This show recognises that as human beings, we're very much a bunch of walking contradictions. We make mistakes only to make amends, we fall apart only to get back together, and at the end of the day, we can honestly never tell which state in the cycle we'll be in. One thing's for sure, though: it often takes a turn of events to shake us up again and get us back on the right track, and the show spares no effort in highlighting this.

My Mad Fat Diary follows the journey of Rae, a 16-year-old teenager with mental health and body image issues serious enough to find her in a psychiatric hospital after she hurt herself. She's as real a character as it possibly gets – she's soft, insecure, loyal, angry, selfish and kind, all at the same time. Chloe is her best friend who, on the outside, seems to have everything served to her on a silver platter – an effortlessly hot summer body, a complete family, and the fact that she's basically the perfectly feminine girl who has no trouble fitting in – while Rae very obviously has none of those and less. With this seemingly huge chasm between them, it comes as no surprise that they have a very real and special love-hate relationship. "You always make me feel guilty for having things," Chloe would exclaim in an early episode, highlighting the role she unintentionally plays in battering Rae's self-image. "When you’ve lived in someone’s shadow for a long time, you kind of get used to it", Rae would think as she admits that she'll never be as good as Chloe, but as the show progresses, you'll see that's not always the case. As much as Chloe may seem perfect to Rae, she esteems Rae higher than herself, especially admiring her smart and funny personality, and how she deserves all the good things she gets because she's "not broken and bitchy like me". True enough, the show saw Rae making difficult sacrifices to be by her best friend's side in her times of trouble in great displays of loyalty, but as it also brilliantly and deftly incorporates a few episodes which shed light on Chloe's point of view, it provides a closer look into Chloe's lack of self-worth, and how much she cares for Rae as a friend, only to be grossly misunderstood by her because she was just too self-absorbed – a difficult flaw in psychiatric patients who think too much about their own flaws. This results in a friendship where both parties actively support and heal each other, one that's surprisingly heartwarming to behold.

Another one of my favourite character relationships from the show is that between Rae and her mum. Rae goes back home after spending months in a psychiatric hospital only to find out that her mum has been in a relationship with a man without her knowing anything, and that's a perfect example of the tension in their relationship they both grapple with. Rae's mum is caught between searching for happiness and paying close attention to Rae's mental health, and Rae always seems to make it all the more difficult for her as a 16-year-old, naturally rebellious adolescent. With every passing episode, it always seems as if one has had enough of the other, but no matter how many cutting remarks are exchanged and no matter how many times both of them fall out, they will always come back together as a mother and her daughter. The show portrays this give-and-take nature with stark candidness, and throws in critical situations which eventually compels Rae to think less of herself, to love and respect her mother better, and to grow and mature as a daughter.

Ian Hart plays the role of Kester, Rae's psychiatrist, and he's more often than not a stabilising factor throughout the first series of the show. He seems perpetually patient with Rae even during the times when she may be hard to deal with and when she insists on following through with making mistakes, yet he's anything but a saintly figure. The second series saw him baring more of his personal life to Rae and drawing boundaries between Rae and him, deconstructing the widely-held expectation that psychiatrists should always be at their patients' disposal, and affirming the fact that psychiatrists are no less of human beings than anyone else, and that they need space to deal with their own problems, too. The fact that even Rae helped Kester with his struggles probably testifies to the effectiveness of a mutually beneficial relationship between doctor and patient. To quote Rae in her conversation with Kester, "We (mental patients) just need you to be real."

Last but not least, who could forget Finn, Rae's main love interest throughout the two series of the show? This particular relationship is evidently its main marketing scheme (though I personally feel that it didn't quite stand out like the others mentioned above). Finn is handsome with a wiry frame and a fixture in Rae's group of friends alongside Chloe, Archie, Chop and Izzy, as well as a fuel for Rae's mad, raging hormones. Sensitive and considerate, he sees through Rae's outward appearance and loves her for who she is inside, but this leaves Rae struggling to come to terms with the fact that such a 'perfect' guy would like someone like her. However, he ultimately proves to be right for her despite how she may try to push him away in complete denial of her true feelings, as he always manages to boost Rae's self-confidence and help her see things as what they are.

There's still so much to rave over this almost-perfect-but-definitely-good-enough show, but even so, I've written way more than enough, and I'd rather not risk revealing too much plot content. Let's just say that many will be able to relate to what it has to share, and... heck, everyone should just watch it, 'nuff said. If you're looking for the best coming-of-age/teen drama series you haven't watched, look no further – this is definitely it.