Some updates about bike course

Although there has been a ton of changes over the past few weeks, I haven't got to blogging them because basically... they're not actually very good changes to begin with. I remember booking out of Gedong for the last time in a month and thinking that I'm going to make things great, but in actual fact life rarely plays out the way you want it to. And the worst part is having it get so bad to the extent where you're just confused if your expectations are just too high, or if you're simply incompetent at this whole 'life' RPG thing (hold on while I try to look for the 'restart game' function for this).

So, riding a motorcycle was far harder than I thought it would be. The bad news would be that for the past few weeks, I've gathered enough discouragements from almost every instructor in the circuit to make waking up on weekday and Saturday mornings especially hard on the state of mind. Before I continue, some useful background info about me: 1. I'm naturally slow at tactile learning but I didn't ask for a not-so-nimble brain, and 2. I tend to screw up even more under scrutiny by someone who knows I'm a screw-up and breathes down my neck so as to make sure I'm not screwing things up. Put 1 against a training programme that's way too packed, and thus one with naturally greater expectations, and you get angry instructors yelling at you for making the most basic mistakes. Put that against 2, and you get me in the driving circuit, a royal screw-up who's almost always exhausted and demoralized.

Thankfully though, things took a small turn for the better today. We've been training for the circuit and balancing tests the past few days, and because I've basically just been marked by the group of instructors as one of the weakest riders around, I didn't get sent out for the first test yesterday along with three others, and on top of that, I've been staying back for extra practice. So I only took the test today, and by practice and some wondrous miracle, I passed all the stations in a single attempt, ahead of quite a couple of others who met hiccups at some of their balancing stations. Even I was shocked with this seemingly unachievable feat, and for the rest of the day I had instructors shaking my hands and exaggerating my accomplishment like it's something so unbelievable and beyond comprehension, lol. I also automically became an example to be used in statements like, "If someone so bad like Geng Hao could pass, why am I still having so many failures?!?!11". And even now, I don't know how to feel about being referred to like that.

Anyway, since that's one hurdle passed in one way or another, I went out to the public roads today, and it was a rather disorienting experience at the start, with so many things to look out for and so many scenarios to consider. After two rounds around the public road test route, it's still pretty much confirmed that I'm somewhat of a road hazard, and this just goes to show that this journey here is far from ending. It's yet another challenge ahead; yet another battle within myself to be better than what I usually let myself be. And as much as I'm happy that I managed to pass the first round, the real deal starts from tomorrow onwards. Determination, ability, and most importantly, consistency. I'll stop feeling sorry for myself once I know that I've truly achieved that.